Day One…thoughts on “managing”

So today is the first day!  And it’s funny it doesn’t feel a whole lot different than any other day these days.  There’s little fanfare because, similar to when I quit smoking and quit drinking, I’d kind of tailed off a lot.  I wasn’t a pack a day smoker, but those 2-3 were really important to me.  I wasn’t a daily drinker, or even really a “school night” drinker, but nothing was more fun come Friday than the glass of wine (0r 100) as my reward for a long week.  And I’m in no way judging how anyone else lives their lives.  For me, neither thing was manageable.  For me.  Without consequences.  Like not liking how I felt or who I texted or what I said or how my clothes fit.  So I changed.

It’s kind of the same with sugar and processed stuff.  I *mostly* don’t eat them.  But when I do, managing it feels near impossible.  No matter what time of the day I start, thinking about those kinds of foods is there from then on.  Have a chocolate from the work candy dish?  Can’t stop thinking about “maybe one more” and usually these are the days that end in Skittles.  Do really well all week?  Well then Friday is “f*** it” day and next thing I know the Ben & Jerry’s is gone.  Speaking of, I had a party last night where my friends (totally in solidarity because they are VERY GOOD FRIENDS) brought their own pints of Ben & Jerry’s and we all ate them.  And pizza.  It was a glorious way to end the year and kick off a new one.

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The carnage from 12 people simultaneously eating ice cream and pizza.

I woke up today and felt like I’d been hit by a sugar truck.  YUCK.  I’m looking forward to not feeling that.  Went to a Fighter Fit class, had fruit and protein and yogurt for breakfast.  Again, not really new.  Even this week leading up to my “all things processed must go” I still brought yogurt to work.  I still ate salad for lunch.  These things are pretty much habits now.  It’s what happens at night.  And on weekends.  And it’s really just learning how to be normal around real food so my wiring stops getting hijacked and I stop becoming an obsessed crazy person.  I guess you could say I’m basically powerless.  And I need help.   Writing this helps me get it out.  Talking about it helps me feel less alone.  But so far, it’s not that bad.  Stay tuned!

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Breakfast – just like any other day

 

 

 

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