Or…how did I end up with an empty bag of popcorn, half a bag of dried apricots, and a stomachache?
Today is day 6 of this year of no processed foods. I’ve been fighting some sort of cold since last Thursday when I woke up with a sore throat but refused (REFUSED!) to be sick Friday on my birthday so I ibuprofen’ed the crap out of myself (seemed to work). The food experiment started Saturday and I’m always overdoing everything so I worked out for 4 days in a row in addition to eating well. Yesterday was hopefully the tail end day of being sick, but I felt completely exhausted all day. Skipped the gym. Started daydreaming about sleep around 4pm. Went home. Couched. Watched tv, something I pretty rarely do.
I ate a healthy dinner but about an hour later I was still “mind hungry”. I’d loaded up on “no sugar added” natural snacks when I last grocery shopped and remembered that I had air popped popcorn! And dried apricots (organic ones, because apparently they add MORE sugar to the non organic ones…read your labels folks). So…the rest of the bag of popcorn and about 20 apricots later, I was left wondering what just happened? I felt kind of sick and it reminded me a little too much of what it feels like to look at a full pint of ice cream and suddenly realize I’m looking at an EMPTY pint of ice cream. So, which thing was it? Overtired and trying to get energy from food? Association of television + snacking? Carbs in the popcorn? Sugar in the apricots? All of the above?
And what should I do about it? Be happy that I only overdid it with natural foods? Ban all things dried fruit? Ban ALL fruit? Ban ALL grains, or whatever popcorn falls under because I’m not really sure. No eating after dinner? Only eat when I’m hungry? Pretty much instantly my brain started thinking about new rules. And being pretty mean, if I’m honest.
I felt like I’d screwed up, even though I hadn’t gone outside of the parameters of what I said I would do. When I woke up this morning, I had a strong pull to weigh myself. Why? To see if I’d gained weight overnight? To see if I got away with it? We are in such a “measure everything” world I guess I wanted to know what happened inside of me after this…whatever it was. I didn’t do it. I can at least keep my commitment to not weigh in until April 19th and I’m in theory doing this for a whole year so I can course correct as needed.
I guess I’m not sure what I’m going to do about it. Probably won’t buy more popcorn so it’s not just sitting in my kitchen. Same with dried apricots. I’ve been tracking my nutrition and I’ve been at roughly 80-100 grams of carbs every day. Yesterday was about 275. I do think carbs kind of hijack my wiring, natural or not, at least when they aren’t consumed with anything else. So that’s something to learn. And dried fruit is crazy sweet, and we are humans are hard wired to want MORE of crazy sweet stuff so maybe it’s better to stick with my raw trek mix that’s pre portioned and combined with nuts instead of hanging out with a full bag of apricots.
At the end of the day I’m going to be nice to myself about it. Removing added sugars and processed foods and artificial sweeteners is a huge thing. I’m going to give myself lots of credit and try to remain mindful and look at my behavior with curiosity, rather than judgement. I’m doing this experiment on myself and I’m the only me I have, after all.
Thanks for reading!